Assassin’s Creed 2 Gameplay Trailer
Assassin’s Creed. Sigh.
It really could have been a great game. Really. The idea of being a trained assassin in the Holy Land circa 12th Century practically hypes itself. I even liked the silly science fiction madness that framed the whole thing.
Unfortunately the game is best described as a flawed diamond. Or a very pretty piece of coal. Or an iredeemable pile of steaming shitburgers, if you ask my wife. Despite being a game in which you are an expert assassin, most of your time was spent running away from guards. Most of your other time was spent fighting guards. And by fighting I mean standing in front of them while you waited for the right moment to press the magic “oh no you don’t” button.
Outside the fights and running, there were the horrendously boring “preparation” tasks for each assassination - a repeated series of quests involving such exciting objectives as following a guy, following a guy slowly, and sitting on a bench for three minutes.
And don’t even mention the ear-gougingly terrible voice work on the main character, who inexplicably seems to be a monotone American.
But there was gold to be found if you could stand all that. The game itself is absolutely gorgeous, with shiny and expansive representations of famous Holy Land destinations like Damascus and Jerusalem. The free running aspect was also great fun, although a little too guided to make you feel like you had even an ounce of skill.
Regardless, I liked the game enough to still be super hyped that the sequel is almost here. Below is the recently released gameplay footage, with drab walkthrough commentary by a developer drone:
Reasonably sweet, yes. Aside from the epic lulz of Leonardo Da Vinci as a main character in a video game, there are signs that the developers have taken criticisms of the first game on board. For a start, it looks like you may actual be A FUCKING ASSASSIN. Unfortunately, the assassination itself still involves storming the castle like a mother bitching commando robot, which seems a tad… retarded. As a friend noted, “why not just stab him while he’s on the toilet?”
Still, we can only hope that this isn’t indicative of the majority of the missions. And we can be buoyed by the repeated notion of “variety”, something the first game treated as a filthy hooker of a word to be avoided.
The wife will probably still hate it though.